Pushing Past Fears

One of the main things that causes people to not grow or excel is their own fears. We allow our fears to reprogram our brain in an effort to convince us that those fears are bigger and stronger than we are. Once a fear is set in our minds, we find all kinds of reasons why we can't face them. We may even feel physical reactions whenever we consider those fears. For instance, I can handle snakes, rodents and most bugs. However, get me near spiders, scorpions, clowns or in high places and you'll see a different side of me! My heart races, I begin to sweat (which my body doesn't normally do unless I'm sick) and I get extremely agitated at having to stay there. My fight or flight instinct kicks into full gear. I used to be seriously afraid of cats, to the point of having night terrors almost nightly as a child. This was due, in part, to my parents watching horror movies about cats when I was very little. It's their fault! :) I kicked that phobia on my own at the age of 16 by adopting a kitten that was abandoned. I took him in and raised him, and within a few months I no longer had night terrors and learned to love cats.

All of my fears are pretty rational, except for the clowns and the cats. I know it's a silly fear, yet, I cannot change it. I've tried. I have had to teach myself to deal with the spiders and scorpions, because I live in the desert and I have to take care of those for my kids. How did I do that, though? By desensitizing myself. There are some REALLY ugly spiders out here! I've lived in the desert for 15 years, and I've seen a lot of them. For several years, my husband was the only running to my side to be the hero as I screamed for dear life. But, when the kids came along, I had to change. I didn't want them to have the same phobias, so I gradually took over killing them. I still call Rick for some of the more serious ones that I just cannot bring myself to handle, but I don't allow myself to panic. I refuse to allow myself to lose control. My kids are my motivation to push past those fears. I want them to understand that no matter how much a person wants to, they cannot allow their fears to control them.

With kids with autism, this is even more crucial. Six years ago, Tim had serious phobic reactions to wearing socks, buying new shoes, trying new foods, chewing meat, having his hair cut, changing clothes every season and the list goes on. He was afraid of EVERYTHING. Not just afraid, he would go into a phobic panic at the thought of having to deal with those issues. His brain was telling him these things were going to hurt him. Allowing him to avoid them was only instilling those thoughts. So, I began immediately to help him face those fears, one by one. The only way to accomplish most of those was to just force him, lovingly, to deal with them. He HAD to wear socks, buy new shoes, etc. I helped him through each meltdown by calmly reminding him that he was alright, that these things were not hurting him, but they just bugged him. Gradually, the meltdowns ceased. He still doesn't like to wear socks, but he is fine with buying new shoes now. He transitions well between seasonal clothing, but still prefers to wear shorts and no shirts. He tolerates his hair being cut, but prefers longer hair. My forcing these changes was never about control, or "do as I say", but teaching his brain the difference between something that is dangerous and something that is just annoying. Once the fear was gone, I allowed him to make choices based on his preferences, to a point. The food issues we had to just wait out, and as he matured, they fixed themselves. However, I did force him to always try something new, just one or two bites, so that he understood that some things may look bad but taste great. Now, I have a budding chef! 

The benefit in all this is that he now has a much brighter future. Living with multiple phobias is not fun. It severely restricts what you can and can't do when you are afraid of everything. It makes working very hard because there's usually dress codes in place. He may not have enough money to support a picky diet. Being so afraid of creatures is going to make him want to lock himself inside his house and make himself sick by spraying poisons. Now that he worked through so many issues at such a young age, he doesn't have as many restrictions holding him back. I like that. In the process, I learned to deal with some of my own phobias. I couldn't force him to deal with his and not face my own. Now, if I could just find a solution to those pesky clowns!